You Know How I Know You’re Not In College Anymore?

On Sunday night I was up until 2 a.m. This doesn’t sound crazy to most of you, I’m sure, but I haven’t seen 2 a.m. on a “school night” since college- and even then, it was rare. I’m a baby, or an old woman. Even though I don’t have a real job, and I don’t have to get up at any particular time in the morning, I usually go to sleep when Zack does- around 11pm.  He wakes up for work at 6:30 am (after hitting snooze as many times as he can before I hit him)  and I get up two hours later, making my usual night’s rest clock in at around 9 hours. I never have circles under my eyes. Aren’t I lucky?

(Other things that have happened in the past year that have assured me I am no longer in college include filing a noise complaint at 4 a.m. when I lived in Texas and gagging on a Bud Lite mere months after graduation.)

So Sunday night I couldn’t sleep, which was probably because I took an hour-and-a-half long nap earlier in the afternoon when Zack put on a movie with subtitles, which is usually what happens when you combine lazy Sundays and subtitles. The Internet gets quiet that late in the weekend. Everyone who’s usually busy documenting their neurosis has passed out by then. I was tired of my newsfeed, all caught up on my Google Reader- even Thought Catalog was slow. I decided to something strange- I logged into Livejournal. There was one post on my friends page, dated early June from Natalie Zucchino. I found this reassuring, but I do not know why. It was almost inspiring, knowing that she was still writing for an audience of, I presume, zero. Like AIM buddy lists, LJ friends pages are a teenage wasteland. I perused the rest of the site. I had received several spam comments from a post dated 2008- other than that, no traffic. Spam? On LJ?  Weird. You can now update your status or play games, a la Facebook or Twitter and download the LJ iPhone or iPad app. I was flabbergasted. “Livejournal” and “iPad’ are two things that simply do not coexist in my world. I feel so removed- as I should. Invites for Conestoga’s Class of 2006 5-year reunion went out last week.

Exploring my old favorite site was weird. Not only was I reliving an entire archive of high school memories, I realized that Livejournal itself was just like high school. Upon visiting the institution where you garnered your most prized adolescent experiences, you come to realize that school goes on with out you as if you were never there. Dear LJ friends- though I don’t doubt there are still a few thousand users who complain and overanalyze regularly about their lives, the website really did go on without us.

Speaking of which, you know what I hate most about my body? It’s not my nose, which I wanted to fix when I was sixteen, or my belly, which has gotten noticeably smaller as of late but still not small enough, its the fact that Apple brand earbuds don’t fit into my goddamn ears. They just don’t stay in. Which means I can’t look like a cool idiot like everyone else and talk to my mom while my iPhone is in my pocket, and I have to wear a dorky pair of $4.99 foam headphones I got at Walmart when I work out. But I lost those headphones during our last move, and so when I’m on the treadmill I transform into the Hunchback of Sweaty Neck so that my head doesn’t move and the ear buds don’t haphazardly fall from my ears. But they always do anyway, and I’m left with stiff shoulders.

I guess this post is teenybopper overkill, but guess what? I went to see Bright Eyes at the Mann Center with Zack and our friends Brian and A.J. over the weekend. The weather called for rain and so I stuck an umbrella in my purse as a responsibly precautionary measure. At security, they wouldn’t let me in until I got rid of it. I was so pissed. “But it’s my umbrella,” I whined. “I love this umbrella.”  My last umbrella with the pink and red hearts lasted me eight years- my mother gave it to me as a Valentine’s Day present in the 8th grade. I took it to high school and college with me, as well as about six European countries. I left it at the Shandygaff one night senior year. Zack stashed my year-old plaid umbrella in the bushes. I made sure to look for it after the show, which was chock full of feelings and uncharacteristically happy power chords. And there it was, in the bush where we left it! Zack and I hopped onto the 40 and took an almost-hour-long bus ride back to our neighborhood. When we got off at 3rd and Pine, I slapped my forehead. I left my fucking umbrella on the bus.

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4 thoughts on “You Know How I Know You’re Not In College Anymore?

  1. i lied. you slept 2 hrs. the subtitles stopped after approx. 12 minutes and the movie was 2 hr 15 min.

    you have no patience for subtitles, which i like. also i’d like to point out that this movie was a fairly terrible action movie that had about as many subtitles in it as “indiana jones” does. great post.

  2. Does being mentioned in your post make me a mini-celebrity? If so: AWESOME. I’ll take it. Keep writing, forever & ever! 🙂

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