An Open Letter

Dear Katy Perry,

I didn’t like you from the start. That first single of yours? “I Kissed a Girl”? Disgusting. After participating in the Vagina Monologues 2008, my blossoming feminism-ity hated that song. The rants I made really earned me points with Courtney Connolly and the rest of the girls from the cast, let me tell you. You later said in interviews that you’ve never even kissed a girl. What a phony!

No, I don’t even know your name, it doesn’t matter
You’re my experimental game, just human nature
It’s not what good girls do, not how they should behave
My head gets so confused, hard to obey

No, Katy. I did not like you at all.

But then the one and only Taylor Swift made this cute home video to your single “Hot N Cold” and I guess I didn’t think you were that bad. But that five-head! Which you sometimes covered up with horrible bangs! Those Pro-Activ commercials! Those ridiculous boobs! Your engagement to that tool Russell Brand! I couldn’t get on the bandwagon.

Then one day recently, my dear friend Katie Hudson (your REAL NAME, weirdly enough) and I were driving home from the mall and I could hear the murmur of a very catchy song coming from Mr. Hudson’s Audi speakers. What could this be? I wondered. Got home, Googled the lyrics. It was you, Katy Perry. It was your summer smash hit, “California Gurls“. I was obsessed. That shit was on repeat til my brother Michael told me I could not play it anymore. It was just so fun, so clean, so pop.

Then you performed it live on the MTV Movie Awards and god, it sucked. Your voice was so shaky you had to simulate a blow job to distract the audience. Not as clean as we thought. Cool.

However…you have redeemed yourself. For now.

“Teenage Dream”, your forthcoming single from your new album of the same name, might be in my top ten summer jams of all time. It has a jammin’ beat, a catchy hook, and adorable lyrics. It makes me want to jump up and down then make out for two hours in the back of a car.

Thank you for this.

– Allison “teenybopper” Berger

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5 thoughts on “An Open Letter

  1. Allison,
    I am going to withhold judgment on whether or not “Teenage Dream” will be a lasting summer jam simply because I haven’t had a chance to listen to it as much. But so far, I’m optimistic.

    Katy Perry’s audience is mostly composed of tweens, teens, and the 18-25 demographic. But the vast majority of listeners that push her profits and revenue are tweens and teens. My problem with the song centers on the lyrics in the first refrain.

    “Let’s go all the way tonight
    No regrets, just love
    We can dance, until we die
    You and I, will be young forever”

    The context of the song talks about love being able to reference a teenage dream, implying that the singer and her lover are older than 18. However, out of context, the first two lines explicitly discuss having sex when in “love”. For immpressionable young people, the simplistic lyrics overlook the complex nature of “love” and two-way street that is a mature relationship. I don’t think the lyrics are responsible and give young people a good role model to reference when it comes to sex.

    As a concession, I know there are alot more songs with implicit discussion of sex that are actually more dirty but those two lines just bug me. Catchy though, it is.

    1. perry wang! what’s up, dude? while i agree with you on many points, i just want to say that no, teens don’t always realize that sex does not equal love, however sex equaling some kind of special young love that lasts forever IS the stem to the umbrella of the “teenage dream.”

      i mean, how many movies/tv shows have been created about a high school relationship only to peak at sex on some special night?

  2. I think Katy Perry is way more interesting than Lady Gaga and I do not know what’s wrong with people. Calif Gurls vid is the absolute whackiest thing I’ve ever watched on Youtube 10 times in a row.

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